Posts tagged Farts
This June, Oliver will become a big brother. He doesn’t fully grasp this yet but he understands that Monica has a baby in her belly. If you ask him “Where’s the baby?” he’ll point at her stomach. It’s adorable. This news was dropped in a few different ways. First, it was revealed to Monica’s family on Christmas Eve. The last gift opened that night in front of everyone was a DVD case in which Monica had inserted some Oliver artwork in for the cover art. When Monica’s mom opened it, she found an ultrasound picture. Awww!
We did the same thing for my family except we did it just with my parents, brother, and sister because we knew that my mom would start crying instantly (we were right). We hadn’t figured out how we were going to break the news to my extended family though. After reaching my aunt’s house and spending about an hour or two there, I was struggling to think of a way to make the announcement. Then, while sitting in the living room, casually chit-chatting, my aunt provided the absolute perfect segway. She smirked and asked sarcastically “So when’s the next one coming?” (ATTN: New or soon-to-be new parents. This is something that you will be asked about a million times, regardless of the age of your child. Once you have one, even if the kid is like a day old, people will ask you when you plan to have another child. I don’t understand it, nor do I endorse it, but in this case, it was perfect.) Without missing a beat, I turned to her and said “June.” and looked back at whatever I was doing. My brother on the other side of the room started cracking up. She asked “What?” and I again replied “June.” Success!
As with the first kid, we wanted to find out what we were having. There was a momentary discussion where Monica and I actually debated whether or not to find out the sex of Ferg Baby #2 but this was a surprise we didn’t want to deal with. Settling on one name is hard enough. Picking out two, only to have to discard one seems like a pain in the ass. We made an appointment for an anatomy scan ultrasound and found that our second kid will be peeing standing up. Oliver will have a little brother.
After the scan was finished and the ultrasound lady had finished taking pictures of the various body parts of the kid, we were getting up to leave. Monica sat up and began to get her things together. She looked directly at me, gestured at the tech, and then grabbed her nose like she smelled bad. I had to inform her that the tech was not responsible for the smell. I had been dropping farts in that little room for the better part of a half hour. I don’t know what I ate but there were plenty of SBDs laid during the exam. I can only imagine what the tech thought. At any age, farts are funny. When mine are blamed on a stranger, they’re even funnier.
So on the way home from a graduation party for the son of one of Monica’s co-workers, something I ate during the day started disagreeing with me. My stomach got all rumbly and gurgling. Then I got gassy. It happens. Monica was driving and these farts were coming out in a very silent but deadly fashion. Monica rolled down the windows but was still disgusted by it. Then she said something which reminded me again of why I love her so much.
“This is probably what they used to kill the Jews in the Holocaust.”
That’s right. My fiancee compared my passed gas to the gas used to slaughter 6 million Jews during World War II. That’s my girl.