Posts tagged Baby

I Think My Son is Wolverine


The next subject in my series of posts about things that no one really talks about when raising kids is fingernails. Also, how insanely quickly babies heal. Infant fingernails grow at a ridiculous rate. I have a feeling that if left untended, they would grow to be like one of those guys from the Guinness Book of World Records in a matter of days, all curly and stuff. Gross.

Anyway, their fingernails require constant attention because if they’re even a little bit over the finger, they’ll cut their faces open. I’m not saying that infants are like emo cutters looking for attention. It’s just that they rub their faces when tired and they have a tendency to do it in such a way as to scrape a stray thumbnail across their face. This happens ALL THE TIME. It’s insane. There was one week where I picked up Oliver from daycare and every other day I had to sign an incident report because he had a new gash on his face. I tried to explain to him that he doesn’t have to prove anything to the other kids. They already think he’s tough. It didn’t matter.

Behind those eyes lurks a savage animal.

Behind those eyes lurks a savage animal.

It’s not just himself that he cuts up either. I fell asleep holding him once and he got me right below the eye. It looked like I was in a knife fight but the real reason was far less cool. He also does this thing when I feed him too where he plays a thumb war with my fingers, but mine don’t fight back. Instead it’s like a carpet bomb against my cuticles as he gouges at them over and over again.

To combat these self-inflicted facial lacerations and parental abuse, you have to constantly check out the kid’s fingernails. There are these flimsy nail scissors you can use to cut them but there are also these sturdy tiny nail clippers that work a lot better. The trick to trimming the nails is to do it when the child is sleeping. Trying to do it when they’re awake or even pre-occupied with a bottle or a toy is nearly impossible. You have to forcibly hold the kid’s finger with one hand and try to get a line with the nail clipper with the other all while he’s flailing about, trying to get free.

Fortunately for babies, they have a crazy fast recovery time. Oliver would scratch his face and the next day you couldn’t even tell it was there. This seems to be the case with other bumps and bruises. He had his first real tumble a few weeks ago and ended up with this big bump on his forehead. This was completely gone the next morning. It’s for this reason that I think my kid is a baby version of Wolverine from the X-Men. He’s got sharp claws and a fast healing factor. Plus, I think I saw him with a cigar the other day, but I could have been imagining it.

Egon Raphael Ferguson


Oh hey, I have a blog. I remember this. I haven’t posted anything in 4 months, though not for lack of trying. I would occasionally come up with an idea for a post but I would either forget it or just never get around to writing it out. I have been a little busy though. Why am I defending myself? It’s my site. I’ll update it when I want.

Anyway, let’s not start this very late blog post aggressively. Happy times are ahead. As of this writing, my wife Monica is 26 weeks pregnant with our first child. It’s a boy…or at least it will be come March 2013. Right now it’s the size of a lettuce or a similarly shaped fruit or vegetable. We held off on telling people until my Mom’s birthday. We went up to take her out to lunch the Sunday before which also happened to be Grandparents Day. We didn’t just blurt it out. Instead we got her a shirt that says “World’s Best YaYa” (Greek for Grandma). She was chatting away while opening the gift. She opened the shirt up and read out loud “World’s Best…” then there was a huge gasp. Her eyes bugged out of her head. “REALLY?!?” Yup. It was great.

I also dropped the news at work the next day at our weekly status meeting. I did it casually. After going over the items I had to discuss I just said “Oh, and the other piece of news I have is that my wife is pregnant.” I didn’t mention that this was a meeting with myself and about a dozen women so everyone started yelling in excitement. Great reaction.

Now the focus is on preparation. I finished priming the walls in the baby’s room — formerly the media library — today. I’m about halfway through Dad’s Pregnant Too, a book written for guys about pregnancy. It’s not bad but it could be a lot better. The writer makes a lot of lame jokes and some of the “tips” he provides seem like common sense. He says more than once throughout the book that you shouldn’t call your wife fat. You shouldn’t do that even if she’s not pregnant. I thought that was obvious. Are guys really that dense that they need a reminder?

We also registered at Babies R Us but we’re still adding stuff as we’re not sure of everything we need. No one really tells you how intimidating registering for a baby is. It’s insane. You know you need a car seat but you didn’t realize there’s about 60 of them on display at the store and another batch available online. So which one do you want? And how many? Yeah, you need more than one. Everything else is the same way. Bottles should be easy, right? There’s about a billion of those. Everyone has an opinion about each of the items too.

I was thinking yesterday that I might attempt to write a blog post a day again. I know that’s laughable after going four months without an update but I think the baby is going to change my priorities. I also think the daily post would be more about him than anything. If you listen closely, that’s the sound of my buddy AR unsubscribing. Seriously, my kid is going to come into a world where it’s incredibly easy to document his life. He’s not going to remember anything that happens for the first couple years of being alive. Why not try to chronicle it in some way, even if it’s just a quick post about something funny he did that day?

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