Hello and welcome to Black Friday 2009! I was up at 8 AM yesterday and took a brief nap at around 3 PM but then I stayed up all night. Monica, my Mom and I were up until about 1:30 doing a large, 1,000 piece puzzle featuring various icons of Television history. Monica went to bed around then and my Mom threw in the towel at around 2:30. I stuck with it. When I heard the alarm clock in my cellphone go off at 3 AM, I had about 15 or 20 pieces left. Once those were in place, I found I was missing one. Goddamnit.

Anyway, on to the shopping. This year I took advantage of a few sites that were offering their Black Friday sales online. I placed orders with Amazon and Best Buy for a few items. When Monica got up we tried our luck with the Kohl’s website. This proved rather difficult because the site was really buggy and having all kinds of errors. After a lot of frustration, we were able to place an order for some gifts that Monica wanted to pick up. This left us with a bit of a conundrum. We had made plans to hit up Kohl’s first because it opened at 4 AM. Now if we got a vast majority of our shopping at that store done, what do we do?

We decided to head out and see what we can do out in Middletown. I was a bit wired having stayed up through the night. We got over there around 4:15 AM and went into Kohl’s. We walked right in and found a few other things and hopped on line. The line took about 10 minutes. When we were heading out, the line was at least three times as large as it was when we got on it. We timed this very well.

Then it was 4:45. Wal-Mart was right next door and it opened in 15 minutes. It would take about that long to make our way over to the Galleria or Best Buy which also open at 5 AM so we might as well hang here. We jumped on the line outside and waited…and waited…and waited. It seemed that after that guy got trampled last year at Wal-Mart they’re playing it extra safe and only letting 50 people in at a time. This angered the crowd but no one more so than this annoying bitch that was in line behind us. Apparently her daughter was working in the store and she was meeting her for breakfast. She then went on and on and on complaining about the store, the store’s policies, Black Friday, the store manager and anything else that may have come up and she would complain to anyone that would listen which amounted to about 10 people that were around us. This woman would not shut the fuck up. I wanted to punch her in the mouth. At one point while she was saying she was going to give the security guards a piece of her mind, I just snapped at her. I said “Why are you going to yell at those people? They’re just hired help doing their job. If you want to complain to someone, go talk to the store manager. Complaining to those guys isn’t going to do anything.” That shut her up for a little while.

At this time we were almost into the store. There were about 20 people ahead of us (which the lady yelled something like “Come on! They couldn’t let a few more people in?” There’s 20 people. Not 2, bitch.) At this point I was keeping a close eye on her while ignoring anything she was saying. If they’re counting the people entering the store, fuck if this bitch is getting in front of me in line. I’ll push her the fuck out of the way if she tries to step in before me. Fortunately it didn’t come to blows. As I walked into the store at about 6 AM I made sure to say a loud thank you to the security guards. Monica later spotted the store manager who had come out earlier with a megaphone to explain the situation and paid him a compliment which seemed to make him feel better.

But Wal-Mart’s failure for the day wasn’t over. I was after DVDs in the store and they’re notorious for putting their displays in the oddest places. The past couple years I’ve found the DVD stands in the food aisles. This year they weren’t around there nor were they near the electronics section. I asked about 4 different people before finally locating them in the women’s clothing department near the fitting room. Makes sense, right? Monica and I combed through the DVDs and found a few and made our way out of there.