One constant that I’ve encountered whenever anyone sees, holds, and has any other interaction with my now 4 month old son is the phrase “Oh, he must be pooping.” Any time the kid makes a weird face or looks off into the distance for a moment, the first thought that comes to everyone’s mind is “That baby is totally dropping a deuce.” Here’s the thing: Babies are just miniature versions of adults. They poop just as often as big people do, which is about once a day. It’s more often if he takes a trip to Taco Bell, but who doesn’t? I don’t know why this is such a universal constant with everyone that comes into contact with Oliver.

He's not pooping here.

He’s not pooping here.

I can tell you from experience that when a baby poops, you’ll know. His face gets all red like he’s trying really hard to think of something…or you know…pushing out excrement. It’s the same expression that anyone would have if they were struggling to pinch a loaf in their pants while laying down. That’s the other thing. We’re so used to toilets that we have no idea how hard it would be to take a crap while laying on our backs. Just think of that for a second. How would that even work? Babies do it all the time! Sometimes they do it in their sleep!

He's not pooping here either.

He’s not pooping here either.

Since we’ve had Oliver in daycare, I’ve had good luck with the #2’s. I went about two weeks without having to change a poop-filled diaper because he manages to time them when he’s in the care of someone else or when Monica is on diaper duty. It’s not that bad to deal with but that stuff just gets everywhere.

Anyway, I hope that this has dispelled some myths regarding the facial expressions on the faces of infants. Sometimes they look weird because what they’re looking at is strange and different to them. That includes you. Don’t take it personally. Just be glad they’re not shitting on you.

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