Black Friday 2009: Is James Ferguson Gonna Have to Slap a Bitch?
Hello and welcome to Black Friday 2009! I was up at 8 AM yesterday and took a brief nap at around 3 PM but then I stayed up all night. Monica, my Mom and I were up until about 1:30 doing a large, 1,000 piece puzzle featuring various icons of Television history. Monica went to bed around then and my Mom threw in the towel at around 2:30. I stuck with it. When I heard the alarm clock in my cellphone go off at 3 AM, I had about 15 or 20 pieces left. Once those were in place, I found I was missing one. Goddamnit.
Anyway, on to the shopping. This year I took advantage of a few sites that were offering their Black Friday sales online. I placed orders with Amazon and Best Buy for a few items. When Monica got up we tried our luck with the Kohl’s website. This proved rather difficult because the site was really buggy and having all kinds of errors. After a lot of frustration, we were able to place an order for some gifts that Monica wanted to pick up. This left us with a bit of a conundrum. We had made plans to hit up Kohl’s first because it opened at 4 AM. Now if we got a vast majority of our shopping at that store done, what do we do?
We decided to head out and see what we can do out in Middletown. I was a bit wired having stayed up through the night. We got over there around 4:15 AM and went into Kohl’s. We walked right in and found a few other things and hopped on line. The line took about 10 minutes. When we were heading out, the line was at least three times as large as it was when we got on it. We timed this very well.
Then it was 4:45. Wal-Mart was right next door and it opened in 15 minutes. It would take about that long to make our way over to the Galleria or Best Buy which also open at 5 AM so we might as well hang here. We jumped on the line outside and waited…and waited…and waited. It seemed that after that guy got trampled last year at Wal-Mart they’re playing it extra safe and only letting 50 people in at a time. This angered the crowd but no one more so than this annoying bitch that was in line behind us. Apparently her daughter was working in the store and she was meeting her for breakfast. She then went on and on and on complaining about the store, the store’s policies, Black Friday, the store manager and anything else that may have come up and she would complain to anyone that would listen which amounted to about 10 people that were around us. This woman would not shut the fuck up. I wanted to punch her in the mouth. At one point while she was saying she was going to give the security guards a piece of her mind, I just snapped at her. I said “Why are you going to yell at those people? They’re just hired help doing their job. If you want to complain to someone, go talk to the store manager. Complaining to those guys isn’t going to do anything.” That shut her up for a little while.
At this time we were almost into the store. There were about 20 people ahead of us (which the lady yelled something like “Come on! They couldn’t let a few more people in?” There’s 20 people. Not 2, bitch.) At this point I was keeping a close eye on her while ignoring anything she was saying. If they’re counting the people entering the store, fuck if this bitch is getting in front of me in line. I’ll push her the fuck out of the way if she tries to step in before me. Fortunately it didn’t come to blows. As I walked into the store at about 6 AM I made sure to say a loud thank you to the security guards. Monica later spotted the store manager who had come out earlier with a megaphone to explain the situation and paid him a compliment which seemed to make him feel better.
But Wal-Mart’s failure for the day wasn’t over. I was after DVDs in the store and they’re notorious for putting their displays in the oddest places. The past couple years I’ve found the DVD stands in the food aisles. This year they weren’t around there nor were they near the electronics section. I asked about 4 different people before finally locating them in the women’s clothing department near the fitting room. Makes sense, right? Monica and I combed through the DVDs and found a few and made our way out of there.
Then we were onward to Best Buy. This was a quick trip as Best Buy is always on top of their game on Black Friday. I found everything I was looking for and the line moved very quickly. The only hiccup came when the register we were sent to was taken over by people from the next register over that went down. That only added a few more minutes so no big deal. If Wal-Mart gets my Black Friday 2009 Fail Award, Best Buy gets my Black Friday 2009 Gold Star Award. I also had the best haul at Best Buy, I think with a slew of great and low-priced TV shows on DVD.
We only had a bit more left to go through in our shopping for the morning. At this point I stopped making note of the time. I think it was around 7:30 or so? We hit up Target and after some searching found the DVDs and games that I was looking for. We jumped on this line that was wrapped halfway around the store and waited and waited. Eventually I got to the checkout line and they gave me a $10 gift card for something I bought too which is kind of cool.
We had a quick spin through JC Penney for some gifts and then we were out of there. Monica and I hit up the Monroe Diner for our traditional post-Black Friday breakfast. Then it was back to my parents’ house for some much needed sleep. All in all, it was a good day. When I told my Dad about the annoying lady at Wal-Mart he said that he thinks she was behind him in line at the bus the other day. Described her perfectly too. Small world. This bitch has pissed off two generations of Fergusons. She must be stopped!