What James Knows

I am incredibly thankful for everyone that rallied together for our kitten cause last night and this morning. With the help of several kind and generous friends we raised approximately $500 to help pay for the insanely expensive animal hospital bills. I’d like to fill you in on the events of today.

Monica and I woke up at 6 AM. I immediately called the animal hospital for an update on Drizzle. She was OK but still not all that responsive. I said that I planned on having her transferred to a vet so that we could take care of her in a less expensive environment. Monica and I found a vet in White Plains but they didn’t open until 8:30. There’s an animal hospital of sorts just around the corner from us but they were closed today. I needed help right away. The plan was that I would go to the animal hospital first and then make arrangements to have Drizzle transferred.

I got to the hospital at around 8:45. I called the vet in White Plains and then everything just came out of me. I tried and failed to hold back tears as I explained the situation to the very kind receptionist on the phone. She said that they could absolutely see Drizzle after she’s discharged. Just bring her in and we’ll get her looked at and see what we can do.

I went into the hospital and spoke with the doctor. I explained what we were doing. They would keep Drizzle’s IV catheter in her leg so that the vet wouldn’t have to poke a new hole in her. I took care of the paperwork and paid the rest of the bill, then I took Drizzle out with me to the car. She was somewhat responsive and moved around a little bit in the cat carrier but she was far from perky. It wasn’t until we reached the vet’s office that I found that she had actually went to the bathroom but didn’t have the energy to move enough so everything was matted to her fur on her backside. I was also very mad at the animal hospital too because Drizzle still had some vomit on one of her front paws that was there when we brought her in. The least they could have done was clean her up a little bit.

I was shown into an exam room and a doctor came to see Drizzle. We spoke at length about what could be the problem. She didn’t look well at all. Her fur was scraggly and she had obviously not cleaned herself in some time as bits of stray fur stuck out here and there. The aforementioned backside was an issue and she could barely stand when the doctor propped her up. I explained the situation to the doctor again.

Earlier that morning Monica and I had made a decision. As much as we love Drizzle and even with the kind donations from friends, we couldn’t feasibly afford to pay more than a certain amount for her care. It just couldn’t happen. The estimate that the doctor provided me with would be something we could do, but only at the low end. If she needed more than two more days hospitalization, we just couldn’t afford it.

To add to this problem, the doctor explained that even with the best care and time that she’d need she still has a 50 / 50 chance of survival. This was heartbreaking. We could do everything for her even with all the money in the world and there’s still a big chance that she wouldn’t make it at all.

I spent almost 3 hours in that little exam room making calls, petting Drizzle, (who had crawled over to me after the doctor left the room) and crying my eyes out. I tried to mention the idea of putting her down but couldn’t get the words out through the tears. Lori was trying to find additional funds to help us but we weren’t able to find anything.

During this time, Drizzle deteriorated. By around noon she looked the same, if not worse than when we brought her into the animal hospital last night. I couldn’t bear to see her like this. We had to make a decision. After speaking with Lori once more we decided to at least get Drizzle tested for the panleukopenia as this would directly effect her sister Juno as well as all the cats that Lori is currently caring for.

Then we decided to put Drizzle to sleep. It had to be the absolute hardest decision that I’ve ever made in my entire life. I wish I had everything to take care of this little kitten. I wish that none of this had to happen. Honestly, it’s just not fair. Drizzle had just come into our lives and we fell in love with her and now she was being taken away from us and after only a few days.

The doctor went over the process with me and he injected her with the liquid that would put her to sleep. I sat there with her the whole time, crying and telling her how sorry I was. I’m crying now just typing this. It was never supposed to be like this.

When the doctor finished, he stepped out and left me alone with Drizzle. I continued to pet her and mopped up the bit of snot that dripped out of her nose. She was no longer breathing and the spark of energy that we had seen during the two hours we had spent at Lori’s last week was no longer there. Her eyes stared out at me and I apologized and apologized.

I took care of the paperwork (the cost of putting her down was a fraction of the cost of saving her life) and carried the now empty cat carrier to the car. Once inside I completely lost it. Tears rushed out and I cried and cried. It took a little while for me to get OK enough to drive. I went over to Monica’s work place which was just a few minutes away. We cried together and hugged and cried some more.

At this point my head was pounding and I was starving. I had only eaten a cookie and most of a piece of toast in the past 12+ hours. I just couldn’t bring myself to eat. It was an effort to get down most of that piece of toast this morning. I picked up a sandwich and returned to the apartment.

For the second time in less than 24 hours, I brought the empty cat carrier home. This time there was no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. Drizzle was gone. When I got into the apartment, Juno was meowing. It was like she could tell that her sister was gone.

I sat and ate and cuddled and played with Juno. She was playful and cuddly all day which was a little unlike her. She fell asleep in my lap when I was on my computer and then I took her into the bedroom with me and she slept right next to me while I napped. I was a little concerned, like maybe she was too sleepy like Drizzle was on Monday but right after I got up she was jumping and running around like usual. Plus she was eating and drinking too so she should be OK.

I got a call from Lori and she asked if it was OK to bring Drizzle’s remains up to her house to be buried in her backyard with another cat. She was also trying to raise some money for us. Some people have mentioned the idea that maybe she should pay for a bunch of the bills but I can’t ask that of her and I told her that as well when she asked. She does so much for cats and kittens and she does it out of her own home with a limited budget. I told her that we’d be happy to have her take Drizzle. It actually cut some of the bill down as she was originally going to be cremated.

I keep going over everything in my head. If we had done this or that or had caught on to this sooner but there’s nothing we could have done. We did what anyone else would have done given the circumstances and we did what was best. Our next steps are waiting for the results of the virus test which we’re going to get tomorrow morning. We’re going to get Juno checked out and vaccinated to hopefully avoid this ever happening to her. I think that she kind of knows something is wrong. I know it sounds a little crazy but it’s like she knows that something is off. She meows or cries a little and it’s almost like she’s asking where Drizzle is.

We loved Drizzle so much and I really do think it’s not fair that she came into our lives and was gone so quickly. We were looking forward to the arrival of these kittens for what seems like forever and we didn’t even have them for more than a week and tragedy struck. Juno is still with us and we love her just as much as her sister.

Tags: Drizzle, Juno, Kittens