It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of shopping at Wal-Mart. Not only do I find great bargains, but I’m almost guaranteed to get a huge self esteem boost. I can just walk through the giant store and go “Hey! At least I’m not that guy!” and I can do this for awhile as there is no shortage of people to gawk at. That’s not what this blog post is about though.

walmartI’ve never had luck in choosing the right checkout line at any store. I always ALWAYS pick the one that seems like it will be the quickest and ends up taking an eternity. On this most recent trip to Wal-Mart Monica and I only had two small items that wouldn’t require any sort of ID, so I figured that we’d try our luck with the self checkout section. There were four of them in this area and while each had a customer on them, they all looked about done. I was wrong.

I was so wrong in fact that I ended up standing in the same place in line for what had to be at least 10 minutes, all the while feeling like I was about to just fall over and die. I should have expected this though. After all, I’m in Wal-Mart! I just talked about how great my self-esteem was doing as a result of entering this establishment. Unfortunately it comes at a price. I stand there and watch as these customers just sort of stare at the machine. It’s not going to just look at your cart and tell you how much you owe. This one woman was just dropping her merchandise on the scanner like gravity was going to miraculously figure it out for her.

After what felt like forever, I finally get to an open register. I quickly scan the first item but then the machine explains to me how to bag the item. Let me say that again. There’s a video demonstration of how to put something INTO A BAG. I press the “I don’t give a shit and don’t feel like bagging this right now” button but apparently there’s a sensor in the bagging section where I put the item to rest. The robot mind continued to push the video demonstration on me. I punched a bunch of buttons and managed to get out of there before destroying the machine and my mind.

Never again. Never ever again.

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